Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
