Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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