I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just gift wrapped bread.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
