This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
