can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
