Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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