so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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