Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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