you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
