I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
