if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
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