Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
