So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
