Please, let me fuck your mom
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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