just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Randomize
