how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
