how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
