even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
