my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
