I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
