Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
