Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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