Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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