I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
