So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
