I'm gonna have a badass scar
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
