im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
