your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
