Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
