found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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