I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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