My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
