He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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