I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
