Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
