My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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