is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
did i just pee glitter
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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