After last night, I could never be a politician.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
