You work out of a Hotel?
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
