i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
