Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
