90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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