got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize