Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
