He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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