Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
