I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
