It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
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hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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