This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
