I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
