I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
