I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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