Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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