the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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