i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
