it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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