distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
