So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize