david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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