Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I think I am morally bankrupt
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
