Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Randomize
