An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize