Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
