I hate your face
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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