I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
