Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize