my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
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There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
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As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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