how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize