1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
you will always have a special place in my vag
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
