I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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