I like my sex mixed with concussions.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
She needs sedatives and a leash
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
