and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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