I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
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