Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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