she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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