Im at strip club and am horny
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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