I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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