you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
